I’ve come to realize that Motherhood is a obscure recipe of self doubt, and trusting my gut.
I decided to put Colton in a new school this year. Today when I picked him up he immediately told on himself, “Mom, I didn’t listen to my teachers today.”
I found out that he was the only kid on the playground that refused to leave when the whistle blew. He actually gripped a pole and would not un-peel his fingers from it.
A flood of feelings came over me when the teacher explained the scene. I’m not proud to admit that my first feeling was all about me. I felt embarrassed and angry at Colton’s behavior. I was asking myself, “why would my kid be the only kid doing this? What am I doing wrong?” (It’s hard raising a mini me)
On the drive home, I finally pulled myself together and separated my feelings from the situation. After a long talk about his unacceptable behavior, my mom gut came to the rescue. She softly whispered, “ask him how he was feeling when he was gripping that pole.” She cupped her hands around my heart and firmly insisted , “there’s more to the story.”
He hung his head and I could barely hear him,
“Mommy, no one would play with me.
Mommy, I felt empty inside.”
I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him hard. I was sub-consciously hoping that if I squeezed him hard enough, I would squeeze out all the pain.
I learned a great lesson today. I can’t save my child from pain but I have to be the one person on a his playground who takes the time to kneel down, slow down, and really see him.
Photo cred Jim Fuglestad 🙌🏻